Commitment Phobia

I'm opening my life somewhat to the Meepcraft community right now in an effort to release some steam and maybe get some answers.

Last year I dated a girl for a few months, shes the best person I've ever met and were so much alike and into the same things that it's scary. About a week and a half ago, she said she had liked me again, which was the biggest form of relief I've ever experienced, because there hadn't been a time since I met her that I didn't think the same. We've hung out a ton over the snowstorm vacation days, watched Star Wars, played Wii, did bad family guy impressions to make each other laugh, I hadn't experienced such a weird feeling of happiness in my life. I was in my car, ready to drive off when I said "No" and went back inside to talk to her. If i hadn't said anything then I know I'd just go home and text her about it anyway. She said she's scared shes going to hurt me, and "I don't have commitment issues, but I'm scared of commitment." and sent me off without trying again even though our feelings are still super strong for each other. I went home last night and looked up commitment phobia for hours, and a lot of things said to just give up and let them be- that's not going to happen in this case.

So I'm reaching to you Meep, do you now someone who had commitment phobia or do you have/had it? I need some solutions or ideas here, cause this means a lot to me.

 

so shes like afraid of dating people??

 

Exactly, the thought of having something just scares her. I wish that it didn't exist and we could be happy, but I guess the best things in life need to be fought for.

 

Baby steps. Continue to be friends. Make it more, but be very slow and tender about it. Fear is hard.

PM me, love, I'm good at this.

 

What this looks like is just a case of anxiety. She probably values the friendship that you have and is afraid that, if something were to go wrong, she would lose your friendship. Trust me, from experience, once you go into a committed relationship with someone, its never is the same as it was before and it'll never return to what it was. The choice you need to make here is whether or not your friendship is meant to be more than a friendship or if you should just remain friends. Trust your gut. If you feel like something is wrong, chances are it is and sometimes you can fix it, other times you can't. My advice is to continue to show her that you're there for her wellbeing and for her protection. Showing her your commitment may help ease some fears that she has.
I may not be an expert, but I have experience in healthy relationships and would be glad to help you through.
Edit: i forgot to note that no matter what, you must avoid going into a relationship looking to change her. No matter how good your intentions are and how much effort you put in, you cannot bring about change by yourself. The only thing you can do is help her through the best you can. If her fears are something serious, they may be something for a professional as they could grow to be extremely detrimental in the future.

 

I'm not looking to change her, I only want to help her when she is willing to change herself. It's a struggle, but I know shes worth it.

 

then you're on the right track

 

Oh I thought you meant commitment to anything at all
Does that count too?

 

yeah

 

I'm actually interested in the answers to this question as well.