Any Poets Out There?

Post poems you've created to get criticism, or anything of the sort.

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue...
"BUT VIOLETS ARE PURPLE
NOT FRICKIN BLUE"

 

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
If you don't unban me.
I'm gonna kill you

*pls it joke achmd nu kill*

 

Roses are gray.
Violets are gray.
Everything is gray.
I'm colorblind.

 

11/10 mlg

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Will you go out with me
Because I like you?

Roses are red
Violets are red
Grass is red
My garden is on fire

 

@IGotBored might be able to give you seem helpful tips and tricks. He writes beautiful poems here and there.

What I can tell you is that I'm missing a story peace to it. I get it, but it seems to be a little jumpy from what I understand, unless I'm reading it wrong.

 

I'm kind of stuck, as you could say. A little bit of writer's block, perhaps?
This was actually meant to be a sort of "flash fiction," where the reader has to interpret the entire story, but then I realized it had a type of poetry ring to it. I just don't know what to do.

 

I like the way this is written (it's a little short imo, but I mean short doesn't mean bad, and I have a tendency to ramble)

If it were me (and I'm by no means an authority, http://fanaticalreflection.tumblr.com/ is a little bit of my stuff, but mostly older things) I would elaborate more on the mask especially. What is the mask for? What's being masked?

I personally am a sucker for alliteration, so a suggestion if you wanted some of that would be to rewrite the part about the song of death so it follows the door of death
(i.e. The door of death was drummed upon, and a loved one had answered. Not at all a major flaw, but if you wanted to add more rhetoric, that'd be a way to do it)

I feel like the word "waiting" in the end could be replaced with "longing" for better emotional effect.
For years she waited; / decades turned to centuries / longing, longing for that peace / that comes with eternal rest

That's just the stuff noticed off the bat. Overall it's very well written and I think it has a good shot at your contest. Best of luck

EDIT: Edited spacing on my points

 

Cool poem... a bit too morbid for my tastes though

 

I like it. It's just as flowing, eloquent, and full of meaning, but completely incomprehensible as any professionally written poem.

 

not a writer but ive uploaded my most recent composition

https://soundcloud.com/bitterlich/string-room-1-creating

 

im quite the avid haikuist

meepcraft ayylmao
what a server i mean wow
worst pr ever

 

your second line is 8 syllables


Ryan, you hurt my head
Why can't you count, it's not hard
You silly Bronze V

EDIT: I posted a haiku to roast ryan because I CAN COUNT

 

It sounds good, we had a little about poetry the other day in school. I'm not a poet though lol

 

SWANS <3
The Swan

Near feathers in the wind.
I stare as she slowly drifts into the shadows of yesterday.
She is not me
She is not you!

A theme, like morning upon a crystal view.
She is of the wind
She is of the sun
She is the moon
She is the magic in your eyes.

Tonight she sits on the calm waters of your reflection.
Tonight she makes love to you.
Tonight she listens and counts the rhythm in your heartbeat.
She is a thief and steals every single breath from your body and soul...
And Still -
She is the night air
She is the tranquil sound
She is perfect
She is mighty in your eyes.

You are the oceans
In you, she swims with trust.
You hold on to the tides,
You keep her feathers dry and warm.
You stray her away from the sadness in a lost dance.
The aches under her wings belong to the shade in your heart.
That is why-
She is the grace
She is the smile
She is the fire
She is everything in your eyes.

Graceful feathers in the wind.
The dream of dreams
She might be me!
She might be you!
"Till Death Do We Part."

“The Swan”
-the symbol of Blue ghosts

 

I agree, I understand if it is simply a poem meant to portray a mood and not a story but if there were a bit of a background to the character and more of a transition into what you have already written it would help the reader out a lot. I do like what you've written though, you show pretty good potential.

 

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Your webcam is on.
And I'm watching you.

 

A still pond stays still
But when a raindrop falls in
Ripples crease the top

 

~+~

How would you like it if you didn't have proper shelter,

food, clothes and have hardly any good water to drink?

Well you know what?

While you are sitting on the couch with electronics surrounding you

There are millions of people around the world

living in conditions opposite to yours

They don't care about taking pictures to gain likes

They care about those leftovers that are piled in the rubbish bin

They care about the water dripping from the running tap you left on

You know what? They care.

Next time you want to chuck leftover broccoli in the bin, think what you would feel if you were in

their situation.

These are important necessities in life we need to take for

GRANTED.

~+~



This is a slam poem I wrote at school just in my free time.

P.S if you want to see my other stories/poems, follow me on
Movellas (username is spongebobninja)​