Irrelevant.
This makes no sense whatsoever.
Irrelevant. Pity will not help your application. As a helper, you should be mature enough to deal with your own problems before dealing with others'.
No, really?
...
NEVER include something like this in your application.
Irrelevant.
First of all, terrible transition. Second of all, you should not include this in your application. Honesty is appreciated, but in this case you are divulging too much of your own personal opinion. Be more formal. A helper is required to make unbiased decisions; based on what you said here, I doubt you will do so.
So you don't already love MeepCraft?
Irrelevant and useless fluff.
No way!
Well obviously... Or you wouldn't be applying for this position. WAY too repetitive.
Irrelevant.
This statement is exaggerated and unnecessary.
This sentence is phrased poorly. I also question your actual motives for getting helper.
Don't we all...
This makes no sense.
Useless and unnecessary fluff. We don't need to know about your personal life.
No.
Makes no sense.
This paragraph is probably your best one. There was no irrelevant information, and it was relatively formal with a few grammar mistakes.
Informal. Do NOT include this in your application. This makes you seem desperate.
This is a ridiculous and unnecessary statement
I highly doubt that.
This entire paragraph is weak, irrelevant, and overall awful. The phrasing is poor and the ideas are underdeveloped.
The only problem with this paragraph is that it's phrased awkwardly.
This statement contradicts itself.
This is phrased awkwardly but your idea and motives are good.
This was the only relevant and understandable part of your conclusion. The rest is useless fluff.
Keep in mind most of your issues are technical and require little to no effort to fix. You are only 12 years old; it is only natural you lack some skills required for the position. Keep in mind, while this may be your first application, you will have plenty more chances in the future to apply.
The most important thing I saw in this application is that you have potential. Your enthusiasm transcends most. The only thing you need is more experience to better yourself and your application.
I only helped you with your application, but I don't know what kind of person you are. Make sure to pay attention to all the constructive criticism everyone else gives you. It will help, however repetitive and generic it sounds.
Good luck.
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